Letters From Little Rock

a semi-regular column

Letters From Little Rock is my column on whatever topic strikes my fancy at the time. Check in as often as you like, but I make no promise as to when new columns will appear. I hope to add a column on a weekly basis, but honesty compels me to admit that I might not even maintain a monthly schedule.

In the interests of full disclosure let me advise you that I am a relatively content single male 35 years of age. Maybe I’m picky, maybe I’m a total slob, maybe I don’t know why, but the fact remains that at this point I am apparently on my way to being a confirmed bachelor. I’m not quite to the panic stage, but I’ll admit to a certain sense of relief every time I read of some celebrity or public figure marrying for the first time at an age greater than mine.

I’ve always liked to tell myself that my standards are too high, but I’m beginning to think their standards aren’t low enough. At any rate, for several years now I’ve been attempting to meet women through various online dating services without much luck. I’d have to say that it is better that the alternative. I hate bars; particularly bars packed with drunken obnoxious singles. Where else does one meet people? At work? While shopping? Going door to door? I’ve always been reluctant to date my coworkers, though I have made an effort along those lines once or twice. I’m not as reluctant to ask out ladies where I shop. Checking out their carts certainly gives you a candid glimpse into their lives. Word of advice: steer clear of anybody that buys ketchup by the gallon and multiple copies of the National Enquirer. These are what we call “red flag” items. Of course you’ve got to be careful about dating cashiers at your favorite stores. If things go bad you might wind up buying your groceries in the next county or something and that’s no good. But cashiers can be very tempting. If they do the job right they are usually cheerful and friendly. It’s also a relationship that provides countless opportunities for flirting. Leave your phone number off your check sometime:

Cashier: Can I have your phone number?

You: You can have mine if I can have yours.

Endless possibilities I tell you. But what it boils down to for me is that online personals avoid a lot of unpromising casual encounters. I hate to approach someone only to find out that they have five kids from a previous marriage or two. There’s really no graceful exit at that point. You’re basically put in the situation of saying, “I’m sorry, for a minute there I thought you were good enough for me.” At least most of the online services let you weed out the undesirables without hurting anyone’s feelings. Of course, that goes both ways and I guess my ad must be undesirable in some way since I get so few responses.

In my defense I do seem inordinately attractive to Russian women and Filipinos. Not that it does me any good. I can’t date Russian women since I’m always afraid there mother’s might have slept with Oswald, and I can’t date Filipinos since I work with so many former military personnel who were stationed over there. The whole, “haven’t we—err—um—met,” thing just bugs me.

So, basically I’m stuck with muddling through and trying to justify to myself emailing a lot of women I know I’m never going to date. Currently I’m pondering a vast ethical dilemma: If a woman posts a picture of herself and her best friend, is it wrong to email her and ask if her friend is available?

• Home Page



• Book Reviews



• Letters From Little Rock



• Faq's



• Links